Why haven't our lives always mattered to you?!

So much for going on a social media break.

The last week has been extremely distressing, heartbreaking and traumatic to say the least. Each time that the name of a black person who was inexcusably murdered by the police hits the headlines and goes viral on social media, I feel the world halt to a stand-still, as it just becomes impossible to think or care about anything else.

Today is #blackouttuesday and amidst feeling empowered by my black friends, I feel slightly confused. It was somewhat perturbing to wake up and see a hashtag, initially created by members of the music industry to amplify the Black Lives Matter movement, being used by my white counterparts who had otherwise chosen to remain silent on this issue. The presence of performative activism has become extremely topical and many have begun to understand that participating in such social media movements without action is futile. I felt compelled to archive my post as I just couldn't shake the feeling that it was enabling others to upload a picture of a black square and think that they had actually taken "a stand against racism". I therefore decided to express my thoughts on the movement and share what I've learned so far as a contribution to 'Blackout Tuesday'.

Over the past few days, I have felt trapped in what I can only describe as a 'day-nightmare'. I feel like I have to constantly shake myself and remember that I’m wide awake. It's both slightly triggering and slightly satisfying to see white people echo the same words that you were once isolated, shamed and punished for saying in school. It becomes more triggering than satisfying however, when you see the same white kids who once made fun of your natural hair and made racist jokes engaging in the blackout hashtag or posting things such as: "I understand that I'll never understand" or "I’m not black, but I see you".

My personal view is that as young black people we deserve to take a step back and reflect upon what is going on in our own way. We can take to any online platform and voice our concerns but we are not obliged to if we don’t feel that it will be beneficial for our mental health. We can take a break because we will always start again. We’ve been fighting against systemic racism our entire lives, our families have been fighting this fight for generations and we’re going to have to keep on fighting regardless of what social media movements are taking place.

A lot of activism related jargon has been floating around the internet which I think is majorly positive, as it has encouraged millions of us to learn about concepts and phrases that we were otherwise unfamiliar with. One particular sentiment that I have learnt and will continue to carry with me is that white people are responsible for their own ignorance - it is not our job to educate them.

It's important to acknowledge that we won't always know what the 'right thing' to do or say is, so in instances such as these I think about what my younger self would have benefitted from hearing. Young Ranye could have avoided a lot of trauma if she recognised that it wasn’t her responsibility to educate the white adults around her. As a child, she shouldn't have had to try and explain why there was no legitimate reason for her jaw-length natural hair to be tied up when her white peers were able to keep their waist-length hair out of an uncomfortable pony-tail. In Year 9, she shouldn't have had to explain to her white history teacher that the western world was built off’ the backs of African slaves whilst learning about the triangular slave trade.

If you’re younger than me and you’re a black girl and you’re reading this: every time I speak up, I speak up for you. "Your voices matter, your dreams matter, your lives matter. Be the roses that grow in the concrete". - The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas.

As a final note, I must add that as much as I feel the need to protest, I might not be able to due to the current threat of COVID-19. If you’re in the same situation as me please carefully consider what you’re going to do next.